The Donations of Alexandria

-41 BC- the Parthians began to attack the Roman Empire in Syria.  Their forces were led by the brilliant Parthian prince Pacorus I.
   -Before the Romans could react appropriately, the Parthians had already conquered both Judea and Syria and had quickly converted these former Roman provinces into new "independent" (puppet) kingdoms.
      -This happened because Marc Antony was too distracted with internal Roman politics, his own military preparations, AND an insane schedule of partying 24/7.
-38 BC- Pacorus I and his army were finally crushed near Antioch by Marc Antony's chief lieutenant, Publius Ventidius Bassus.  However, Ventidius failed to successfully mount a counterattack against a nearby Parthian stronghold on the Euphrates River.
   -Antony believed that it was possible Ventidius was taking bribes from the Parthians to hold back, so Antony fired him and took over control himself.
      -However, Antony himself turned back from the siege of the stronghold (lol) when winter came, using the bad weather as an excuse.
         -The Parthians then gave him a "gift" of some money in exchange for a truce.
-37 BC- Marc Antony was ready to attack the Parthians again.  Shit had calmed down among the triumvirs and he now had the alliance of Egypt as well to boost his troops.  It's estimated that he now had like 100,000 troops under his command!
   -He also had another kid with Cleopatra.
      -Cleopatra now had four kids:
         -Caesarion (from Julius Caesar)
         -Alexander Helios and Cleopatra Selene (twins from Marc Antony)
         -Ptolemy Philadelphus (from Marc Antony)
-Antony then reconquered Syria and also invaded Judea, Pontus, and maybe some other client states between the Roman Empire and the Parthian Empire.
   -He was sick of their weakness and inability to act as buffer states, so why not just annex them into the Roman Empire itself or at least install a puppet king that could be easily controlled?
-36 BC- Marc Antony finally orders a full invasion of Parthia!
   -However, this ended up being a complete shitshow.
      -Antony made the same mistakes as previous Romans (like Crassus, etc.) in not knowing the territory well and relying on local guides who were actually spies for the Parthian government.
         -Also, the supply lines and siege weapons were eventually destroyed in a surprise raid by the Parthian cavalry!
-Antony still hadn't managed to capture a major city, his siege weapons were destroyed, and his supply line was in ruins.  He was fucked.  He ordered a swift retreat back to Roman territory.
   -To make matters worse, the Armenians took advantage of the situation and joined with the Parthians against Rome.  As Antony traveled through Armenia back to Roman territory, the Armenians didn't offer any help or guidance.  It was also really cold in the Armenian mountains, and Antony's troops were rapidly dying.
      -Without fighting a single battle, Antony lost 25,000 men by the time he returned home.  He even considered suicide!
-Meanwhile, Octavian was doing quite well.  However, he faced a serious problem- with no threat to the empire in the west, he had no reason to have a bunch of legions.
   -His troops were ready to retire or be transferred over to be under Senate control.  So, in order to maintain control of the troops, he picked a fight with the inhabitants of Illyricum, a region loosely controlled by Rome along its coast but beyond that was infested with barbarians not exactly friendly to Rome.
      -Octavian used this as an excuse to pacify the region.
         -Octavian marched off with his troops and spent two years pacifying the hordes (on land) and crushing the pirates (in the eastern Adriatic Sea).  He pushed as far as the Danube River.
            -These wars greatly improved his reputation back in Rome.
-34 BC- While Octavian was fucking around in Illyricum, Marc Antony was licking his wounds in Alexandria with Cleopatra.
   -It's also worth noting that he was still married to Octavia (who was back in Rome) during this time, but I guess Antony DGAF.
      -This really pissed off Octavian because it made his sister look bad.  Also, Cleopatra was "Eastern" (i.e. NOT Roman).
      -In defense of Antony, however, why would he want to return anyway?  He was banging Cleopatra, partying all the time, and living a life of decadence in Alexandria, a badass city of the ancient world.  Rome was gross.
         -Octavian would actually come to really love how awesome Alexandria was when he eventually conquered it, and this would inspire him to remake Rome by using Alexandria as a model.
-34 BC- Antony hadn't forgotten about the Armenian betrayal.  He invaded Armenia, crushing their army, and captured their ruler, King Artavasdes II, taking him back to Alexandria as a prisoner and installing a new king as a puppet- his own son, Alexander Helios!
   -This made Rome uneasy...Alexander Helios was Antony's illegitimate son, and also Antony celebrated a triumph after conquering Armenia... in Alexandria, NOT Rome.  This had never happened before.
   -Antony then announced a new edict after his triumph during a massive banquet- the Donations of Alexandria!
      -During the banquet, Antony appeared dressed as Bacchus/Osiris and Cleopatra as Venus/Isis.  Caesarion was dressed as Horus (the son of Isis).  The donations:
         -Caesarion was proclaimed the TRUE son and heir of the GOD Julius Caesar (implying that Octavian was not).  Therefore, Caesarion was proclaimed King of Egypt in addition to King of Kings!
         -Alexander Helios was named King of Armenia, Media/Atropatene (modern-day Azerbaijan and northwest Iran), and Parthia.
         -Cleopatra Selene was named heir to the Roman province of Cyrenaica and the region of Libya (I guess?).
         -Ptolemy Philadelphus was heir to the provinces of Syria and Cilicia.
-Obviously, the Senate reacted by believing that Antony had lost his fucking marbles and was turning the Eastern Roman provinces into his own personal kingdom.
   -Octavian actually wasn't bothered by this on the inside; what really bothered him was the massive navy Antony was building, in addition to Caesarion being declared as Julius Caesar's "true heir".
-In reaction to the Donations of Alexandria, Octavian, Agrippa, and Gaius Maecenas (Octavian's chief political adviser) began secretly plotting to deal with Marc Antony.  How could they bait him into making the first move?
   -In front of the Senate, Octavian tried to talk as much shit on Antony as he could.
      -When word reached Antony that Octavian had been talking shit, Antony shot back at Octavian by saying that Octavian had forged his adoption papers, was a megalomaniac, etc. 
         -Antony wrote all of this shit in letters which were eventually read aloud in the Senate. 
            -Fun fact: Antony also claimed in his letters that Octavian performed sexual favors for Julius Caeser in order to be named his heir.  That must have been fun for Octavian to hear while they were listening to Antony's letters being read aloud in front of everyone!
-January 1, 33 BC- the triumvirate officially expires!  Octavian then publicly stated that he was no longer a triumvir and just wanted to move on with things.
   -Antony, however, refused to relinquish his position as triumvir and give up power! 
      -Because of this, Octavian was able to leverage the Senate against Antony.
         -Antony no longer had any legal status in terms of being a person of authority- he wasn't a consul, governor, or general...he was just some dude now.
            -However, Antony still had supporters in the Senate, and the two consuls during this time were actually both pro-Antony. 
               -Although the Senate was more or less against Antony, that didn't mean that they were pro-Octavian (after all, Octavian was now just some dude too haha).  So, Octavian arrived at the Senate with armed bodyguards and announced that, like Antony, he too wasn't going to give up power either! 
                  -Because of this, many senators (including both consuls) walked out of the meeting, packed up their shit, and fled Rome.  It was now obvious that Octavian's true nature had been revealed- he was a tyrant, not some goody two-shoes!
-Anyway, so Octavian found out and publicized some news (by breaking into the Temple of Vesta (a huge sacrilege!) and stealing Antony's will) that Antony, among other un-Roman things, wanted to buried in Alexandria after he died!
   -Octavian used this as an excuse to declare Marc Antony an enemy of the state.
-Antony knew that war was coming, especially all the senators whom had fled Rome arrived in Alexandria, and soon he used his massive navy to sail for an invasion of Greece!
   -His co-general was Cleopatra (lol) for some reason.
      -Antony and Cleopatra landed in Greece in late 32/early 31 BC.
         -They decided ot land in the Gulf of Ambracia, which was a weird choice.  By docking his fleet so far south instead of up north, Octavian was able to ferry his troops across Italy from Brundisium into Greece without any issues.
            -Maybe Antony didn't want to appear as an invader...OR maybe he wanted to keep a secure line back to Egypt in case he needed to escape.  It's unclear.
            -Antony's supply hub was at Methoni (SW corner of the Peloponnese). 
               -Agrippa struck first by quickly assaulting this port with his navy.  In fact, he struck so fast that Antony was unable to react, and then Octavian sent 50,000 troops across the Adriatic into Greece and then marched them south. 
                  -Regardless of whether he had prepared for it or not, Antony was now trapped in Greece!  Many high-ranking officials immediately began going over to Octavian's side...
                     -Antony would have to escape immediately or else he was fucked!