-Nero was the new princeps, so Rome's enemies decided to test him to see what he was made of!
-The Parthians began to escalate tensions in Armenia, which would eventually result in an all-out-war between Rome and Parthia.
-Since the time of Augustus, Rome had worked out a deal to where they got to appoint Armenia's king, but the problems started in 51 AD when King Mithridates was usurped by his nephew Rhadamistus.
-However, Rhadamistus was a lousy ruler and the Armenians hated him, so the Parthian king Vologases I decided to use this opportunity to take Armenia away from Rome by using the oppression of the Armenian people as an excuse to invade.
-The Parthians successfully invaded Armenia, and Vologases I installed his brother, Tiridates I, on the throne. After a few years of back-and-forth fighting between Rhadamistus and Tiridates I, the latter finally secured support from the Armenian public, and the Parthians ended up dominating Armenia.
-This all happened around the time of the death of Claudius and the succession of Nero, so Nero saw this as a major test for him to see if he could handle the pressure of global politics.
-To take on the Parthians, Nero selected a Roman general named Gnaeus Domitius Corbulo, an en experienced military leader who had spent much time fighting Germanic tribes under Caligula and Claudius.
-Nero appointed him to be governor of both Cappadocia (modern-day eastern Turkey) and Galatia (modern-day central Turkey), as well as eventually consul (and proconsul after that).
-Corbulo began to raise and train an army while he was governor of these provinces.
-58 AD- Corbulo divided his army into a bunch of small detachments and began to attack the Armenian/Parthian forces along the Armenian border.
-Tridates I agreed to finally sue for peace with Rome, but secretly planned on ambushing the Roman army with a large army of his own. However, he was outnumbered, so instead he opted for trying to fuck with the Roman supply lines instead (which, after all, had worked in the past (e.g. when the Parthians were fighting against Marc Antony). Unfortunately for the Parthians, Corbulo had studied history enough to prepare for this kind of strategy, and Tiridates I's plan didn't work.
-Finally, Corbulo gathered his forces and made a hard push into Armenia, driving Tiridates I out of the Armenian capital of Artashat and razing the city! Corbulo then pushed south to Tigranocerta, Armenia's second capital city (where Tiridates I had fled)
-According to legend, when Corbulo besieged Tigranocerta, he had the head of an Armenian assassin (who had attempted to kill him) launched into the city, showing the Armenians what happened when you fucked with Rome! Thus, the city quickly surrendered.
-Tiridates I ended up fleeing again, and since he didn't really have much power in the kingdom anymore the Romans crowned Tigranes VI the new king of Armenia.
-Corbulo was then hailed as a hero back home and was appointed governorship of Syria as a reward for his victories.
-61 AD- Corbulo had easily achieved victory in Armenia because the Parthians had been completely distracted due to internal conflicts and other shit, but had finally gotten their shit together and were now prepared to truly take Rome on.
-Rome got really pissed off when they found out that Tigranes VI had started to take advantage of Rome's backing by invading some Parthian territory.
-Obviously, the Parthians had accepted the situation in Armenia, but Armenians invading into Parthian territory was unacceptable, and they immediately announced that Tiridates I was still the rightful king of Armenia and that Tigranes VI was an illegitimate usurper. The Parthians then invaded Armenia but ultimately reached a stalemate because they couldn't break through the Roman garrisons.
-Corbulo eventually met with Vologases I (king of Parthia) to work out some sort of a deal, but they ended up not being able to work anything out.
-62 AD- Nero had Corbulo return to defend Syria from Parthia, and appointed Lucius Caessennius Paetus as the new commander of the Roman legions there.
-Paetus took two legions and marched on Tigranocerta, but stalled due to technical problems involving winter and supply lines. On the way, however, Paetus had won some minor victories, which lulled him into a false sense of security.
-63 AD- seeing what was happening, Vologases I decided to abandon his plans for invading Syria and instead concentrated on defending Armenia. However, due to incompetence, Paetus was spread very thin, so when the Parthians attacked the Roman-occupied territory in Armenia, Paetus panicked and called in Corbulo for help. Unfortunately, for Paetus, Corbulo hated him, so Corbulo wasn't exactly speedy when he sent reinforcements to Armenia. When Corbulo's forces did arrive, however, Paetus had already surrendered and agreed to embarassing terms for Rome! Paetus then wanted Corbulo to continue fighting, but Corbulo refused and marched back to Syria.
-Humiliated, Rome recalled Paetus and appointed Corbulo as commander of all of Rome's eastern forces, determined this time to put the Parthians in their place once and for all!
-Fearing to fuck around with Corbulo, Vologases I immediately sued for peace with Rome. Rome agreed, and a new deal was worked out- the Parthians got to appoint the Armenian king, but the Romans had veto power.
-66 AD- Tiridates I traveled to Rome to be crowned by Nero in a symbolic act that would show good will towards the Romans from the Parthians. However, critics felt that this was embarrassing for Rome because it conceded power to the Parthians, but supporters believed that it was smart because it avoided all out war with the Parthians, which would have probably been an absolute disaster.
-Meanwhile in Britannia, a revolt against the Romans started up, led by Queen Boudica of the Iceni tribe.
-60/61 AD- King Prasutagus of the Iceni tribe in Britannia died and was replaced by his wife, Queen Boudica, as ruler of the tribe.
-The Iceni were a Celtic tribe who lived in what is now modern-day Norfolk, England. They were either one of the 11 Celtic tribes in Britannia that had surrendered to the Romans, or they had somehow worked out a deal to remain independent (but peaceful).
-When King Prasutagus died, he left his inheritance to his wife and family, and specifically had noted that his wife, Queen Boudica, was to rule the tribe after he was gone (with Rome as their overlords, of course).
-Unfortunately, Rome didn't recognize Boudica's legitimacy, so they decided just to annex the Iceni lands into the empire.
-Expecting resistance, the Roman army came in to occupy the land. To show their dominance, they had Boudica flogged while her daughters were gang-raped by Roman soldiers.
-Boudica, naturally, was obviously extremely fucking pissed off after this.
-During this time the Romans, led by General Gaius Suetonius Paulinus, were busy fighting Celtic hordes in Wales, so Boudica decided to strike while they were distracted and divided. She first attacked the Romans at Camulodunum (modern-day Colchester, Essex), the original HQ of Rome's forces in Britannia.
-A battle ensued, and Boudica's forces ended up destroying the city and killing all of the Romans stationed there.
-The 9th Legion showed up just in time to find Boudica's forces finishing up, and a battle was fought- the Romans were completely slaughtered by the furious Britannic horde. Because of this, Suetonius immediately recalled his forces from Wales to defend Londinium (modern-day London) but found the city to be poorly fortified and decided to try and find another place to hunker down in.
-However, eventually Boudica and her forces arrived and they smashed the city! After Londinium, her army went on to destroy Verulamium (modern-day St. Albans). After her string of victories, other Britannic tribes began to flock to her horde. It was looking pretty grim for the Romans...
-In a last ditch attempt to salvage the situation, Suetonius gathered about 10,000 men (which included legions and other random troops). Against them was Boudica and her horde, which possibly included hundreds of thousands of warriors!
-Suetonius was holed up in the West Midlands, trying to find the best place to defend. Thus ensued what is today known as the Battle of Watling Street, which took place somewhere in the West Midlands. It was a huge battle between the small Roman force and the enormous Britannic horde.
-Surprisingly, the Romans won!! Allegedly, they slaughtered tens of thousands of Britannic barbarians with only a few hundred men themselves. Boudica's rebellion was crushed.
-Meanwhile...trouble was stirring the province of Judea...
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Smite My Womb!
-54 AD- Claudius was dead, so Nero was immediately pronounced princeps.
-Unfortunately for the empire, he was only 16 years old and, unlike the others, had had literally zero experience in any kind of government administration (even Caligula had been an honorary quaestor before he became princeps).
-Many immediately suspected Agrippina of killing Claudius, as she had sent Narcissus out of Rome at the time. Also, the speed at which Nero was enthroned was suspicious as well.
-However, it wasn't like Nero was completely illegitimate, as he was the grandson of Germanicus and a direct descendant of Augustus.
-Agrippina then had Claudius' status raised to divinity, with her as the cult's new high priestess.
-Because of her power, she was also allowed to attend meetings at the Senate (as long as she was behind a curtain, for whatever reason).
-Soon after Nero was enthroned, Narcissus was imprisoned and executed on orders by Agrippina (unclear as to how exactly she pulled this off).
-Other important players during this time:
-Pallas- still super rich and living the dream, even more powerful than before (and still banging Agrippina).
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca (Seneca the Younger)- Tutor and adviser to Nero, also a major Roman philosopher.
-Sextus Afranius Burrus- Praetorian prefect and adviser to Nero.
-Eventually, those around Nero split into two rival groups- Agrippina and Pallas vs. Burrus and Seneca.
-It was becoming clear that Agrippina was becoming increasingly overbearing with her fantasy of ruling the empire through Nero.
-55 AD- Nero was married to his stepsister (Claudius' biological daughter) Claudia Octavia, but of course he also had a mistress- the ex-slave Claudia Acte.
-Of course, this pissed off Agrippina, and she forbid Nero from seeing her.
-Nero, a teenager, obviously began to rebel by seeing her in secret.
-Seneca and Burrus realized this rift between Nero and Agrippina, so of course they encouraged Nero to continue to secretly see Claudia Acte.
-They tried to keep this a secret from some because it was important for Nero to maintain his marriage for political reasons.
-However, they also leaked the secret to others because they wanted to squash the rumors that Nero was actually banging his mom!
-Because Agrippina was shut out of Nero's inner circle due to the drama with Claudia Acte, she decided to start cozying up with Britannicus instead (!) to get back at Nero!
-The tension grew worse when Nero fired Pallas as secretary of treasury.
-This royally pissed off Agrippina, so she told Nero that if he continued to shut her out, she would go to the Praetorian Guard and tell them about her role in Claudius' death. This would make Nero an usurper and cause him to be ousted and replaced by Britannicus!
-The problem with Agrippina's plan was that Britannicus wasn't quite yet of age to rule as princeps! This allowed for Nero to plan...
-55 AD- The day before Britannicus came of age (14), he was poisoned at a party and died! Damn!!
-Nero then forced Agrippina to leave the imperial palace in 57 AD, and she retired to a countryside villa in Mesenum (modern-day Bacoli, Campania), where she lived out the rest of her days, although she still continued to remain popular and influential among the general public.
-However, Nero ultimately had her killed in 59 AD, although it's unclear as to why exactly he did this.
-Some of the theories involve her opposition to him divorcing Claudia Octavia in order to marry Poppea Sabina, who was at that time the wife of the courtier Marcus Salvius Otho (although of course she had been secretly banging Nero). However, other theories involve her being killed by Nero due to her support of Nero's cousin, Gaius Rubellius Plautus.
-The official story, under Nero's supervision of course, was that Agrippina had killed herself.
-According to legend, Agrippina said "Smite my womb!" before being killed, apparently meaning that she wanted to first destroy the part of her body that had produced Nero.
-Additionally, Nero allegedly felt so guilty later about having Agrippina murdered that he believed he was haunted by her ghost!
-Anyway, so after Agrippina was killed Nero continued to consolidate his power, showing his advisers that he was, in fact, the one in power, not them.
-So how was his reign?
-It seemed like all he cared about was being popular.
-He had no vision of how to rule or what things should be like, so he just did what he thoguht the people wanted, and of course this meant that his reign was all over the place- a complete mixed bag.
-Thus, he actually succeeded in being popular, but he certainly wasn't the best princeps in the world, as a lot of his policies were stupid because they were sometimes based on the stupid public opinion of the masses.
-Therefore, the people never considered him to be a shitty ruler, unlike, say, Caligula.
-Unfortunately for him, the upper classes absolutely hated Nero! This was in large part due to Nero's obsession with entertainment. In the Roman world, entertainers were the bottom of the barrel in terms of social status, and were also usually dirt poor on top of that. Of course, this didn't stop the elite from seeking out entertainers for entertainment and sex :/
-Nero also had no political, intellectual, or military experience. He also didn't write his own speeches, which is something even Caligula did FFS!
-Nero loved to play the lyre, which was very unusual. He also dreamed of participating as a gladiator.
-As a response to the elites hating him, Nero in turn hated the elites right back. In fact, he could be quite cruel sometimes- if he thought you were against him, he would just straight up have you executed!
-65 AD- a huge conspiracy to kill Nero was uncovered, and Nero had a massive purge (which included even Seneca!).
-Overall ruling the empire would be difficult for Nero, as there were soon revolts in Judea, Britannia, and invasions by the Parthians.
-This doesn't even include the Great Fire of Rome in 64 AD...
-Unfortunately for the empire, he was only 16 years old and, unlike the others, had had literally zero experience in any kind of government administration (even Caligula had been an honorary quaestor before he became princeps).
-Many immediately suspected Agrippina of killing Claudius, as she had sent Narcissus out of Rome at the time. Also, the speed at which Nero was enthroned was suspicious as well.
-However, it wasn't like Nero was completely illegitimate, as he was the grandson of Germanicus and a direct descendant of Augustus.
-Agrippina then had Claudius' status raised to divinity, with her as the cult's new high priestess.
-Because of her power, she was also allowed to attend meetings at the Senate (as long as she was behind a curtain, for whatever reason).
-Soon after Nero was enthroned, Narcissus was imprisoned and executed on orders by Agrippina (unclear as to how exactly she pulled this off).
-Other important players during this time:
-Pallas- still super rich and living the dream, even more powerful than before (and still banging Agrippina).
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca (Seneca the Younger)- Tutor and adviser to Nero, also a major Roman philosopher.
-Sextus Afranius Burrus- Praetorian prefect and adviser to Nero.
-Eventually, those around Nero split into two rival groups- Agrippina and Pallas vs. Burrus and Seneca.
-It was becoming clear that Agrippina was becoming increasingly overbearing with her fantasy of ruling the empire through Nero.
-55 AD- Nero was married to his stepsister (Claudius' biological daughter) Claudia Octavia, but of course he also had a mistress- the ex-slave Claudia Acte.
-Of course, this pissed off Agrippina, and she forbid Nero from seeing her.
-Nero, a teenager, obviously began to rebel by seeing her in secret.
-Seneca and Burrus realized this rift between Nero and Agrippina, so of course they encouraged Nero to continue to secretly see Claudia Acte.
-They tried to keep this a secret from some because it was important for Nero to maintain his marriage for political reasons.
-However, they also leaked the secret to others because they wanted to squash the rumors that Nero was actually banging his mom!
-Because Agrippina was shut out of Nero's inner circle due to the drama with Claudia Acte, she decided to start cozying up with Britannicus instead (!) to get back at Nero!
-The tension grew worse when Nero fired Pallas as secretary of treasury.
-This royally pissed off Agrippina, so she told Nero that if he continued to shut her out, she would go to the Praetorian Guard and tell them about her role in Claudius' death. This would make Nero an usurper and cause him to be ousted and replaced by Britannicus!
-The problem with Agrippina's plan was that Britannicus wasn't quite yet of age to rule as princeps! This allowed for Nero to plan...
-55 AD- The day before Britannicus came of age (14), he was poisoned at a party and died! Damn!!
-Nero then forced Agrippina to leave the imperial palace in 57 AD, and she retired to a countryside villa in Mesenum (modern-day Bacoli, Campania), where she lived out the rest of her days, although she still continued to remain popular and influential among the general public.
-However, Nero ultimately had her killed in 59 AD, although it's unclear as to why exactly he did this.
-Some of the theories involve her opposition to him divorcing Claudia Octavia in order to marry Poppea Sabina, who was at that time the wife of the courtier Marcus Salvius Otho (although of course she had been secretly banging Nero). However, other theories involve her being killed by Nero due to her support of Nero's cousin, Gaius Rubellius Plautus.
-The official story, under Nero's supervision of course, was that Agrippina had killed herself.
-According to legend, Agrippina said "Smite my womb!" before being killed, apparently meaning that she wanted to first destroy the part of her body that had produced Nero.
-Additionally, Nero allegedly felt so guilty later about having Agrippina murdered that he believed he was haunted by her ghost!
-Anyway, so after Agrippina was killed Nero continued to consolidate his power, showing his advisers that he was, in fact, the one in power, not them.
-So how was his reign?
-It seemed like all he cared about was being popular.
-He had no vision of how to rule or what things should be like, so he just did what he thoguht the people wanted, and of course this meant that his reign was all over the place- a complete mixed bag.
-Thus, he actually succeeded in being popular, but he certainly wasn't the best princeps in the world, as a lot of his policies were stupid because they were sometimes based on the stupid public opinion of the masses.
-Therefore, the people never considered him to be a shitty ruler, unlike, say, Caligula.
-Unfortunately for him, the upper classes absolutely hated Nero! This was in large part due to Nero's obsession with entertainment. In the Roman world, entertainers were the bottom of the barrel in terms of social status, and were also usually dirt poor on top of that. Of course, this didn't stop the elite from seeking out entertainers for entertainment and sex :/
-Nero also had no political, intellectual, or military experience. He also didn't write his own speeches, which is something even Caligula did FFS!
-Nero loved to play the lyre, which was very unusual. He also dreamed of participating as a gladiator.
-As a response to the elites hating him, Nero in turn hated the elites right back. In fact, he could be quite cruel sometimes- if he thought you were against him, he would just straight up have you executed!
-65 AD- a huge conspiracy to kill Nero was uncovered, and Nero had a massive purge (which included even Seneca!).
-Overall ruling the empire would be difficult for Nero, as there were soon revolts in Judea, Britannia, and invasions by the Parthians.
-This doesn't even include the Great Fire of Rome in 64 AD...
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
A Farewell to Claudius
-48 AD- Claudius had expanded the empire significantly during this time.
-Addition of multiple provinces:
-Noricum (modern-day Austria and Slovenia)- a tributary kingdom of Celtic hordes that was annexed by Claudius without resistance.
-Pamphylia (southern Asia Minor)- annexed in 43 AD without resistance.
-Lycia (southwest Asia Minor)- also annexed in 43 AD without resistance (and later merged with Pamphylia into the single province of Pamphylia et Lycia by Emperor Vespasian).
-Thrace- (modern-day southeast Bulgaria / northeast Greece / northwest Turkey)- annexed in 46 AD with little resistance.
-Mauretania Tingitana (modern day Morocco)- Mauretania was a client kingdom, but after the death of King Ptolemy (assassinated in Rome under orders by Caligula!) the Mauretanians became incredibly hostile to Rome (understandably so) so the region ended up being annexed by Rome and split into two provinces by Claudius (Mauretania Tingitana and Mauretania Caesariensis) in order to pacify the region.
-Mauretania Caesariensis- (see above).
-Meanwhile, in the province of Judea, the Jews were becoming increasingly hostile towards Rome (especially with all of the drama with Caligula), and this would actually lead to an all-out rebellion against the empire in 66 AD.
-There were constant assassination attempts on Claudius' life, so he re-introduced the office of censor, whose role it was to be the moral police of the Senate, and was able to choose who was "moral enough" to be in the Senate.
-The censor was also in charge of the census of the citizens of the empire.
-Claudius actually took the position for himself when he created it.
-Those whom Claudius disliked or were too degenerate, Claudius would kick out of the Senate and replace with men loyal to him.
-Claudius also began to include non-Italians into the Senate as well, which pissed off conservative Italian elites.
-This was smart because it made the empire as a whole more stable.
-Claudius also appointed a dude named Lucius Vitellius Veteris as co-censor.
-His son, Aulus Vitellius, would eventually become emperor (princeps?) during the chaotic Year of the Four Emperors in 69 AD.
-Claudius also tried to drain the Fucine Lake (or Fucinus Lacus; located in modern-day central Italy), which would have provided a bunch of arable land and shit for the peninsula.
-The Fucine Lake was also annoying because it was a huge source of flooding and malaria as well.
-However, this project was a failure, and Agrippina used this as an excuse to try and fuck over Narcissus, whom she disliked and blamed for incompetence and even embezzlement (involving his co-management of the lake-draining operation).
-Narcissus was also an ally of Claudius' son, Brittanicus, whom Agrippina most certainly did not want to see on the throne, instead plotting for her own son, Nero, to be emperor instead.
-More info about Agrippina the Younger (AKA Agrippina Minor):
-Daughter of Agrippina the Elder and Germanicus; sister of Caligula.
-After Germanicus died, Agrippina had to live with her mom and then her grandmother (Livia).
-In 28 AD- forced to marry her relative Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus (grandson of Octavia (Augustus' sister) and Marc Antony), who was apparently a major asshole.
-Their son was Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus (AKA future emperor Nero!).
-39 AD- Agrippina the Younger (and others) was found guilty of plotting against Caligula, so she was exiled to the tiny island of Ponza (approximately 110 km west of Naples).
-Her son, Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus (AKA Emperor Nero), was sent to live with his father's aunt (Domitia Lepida (the Younger), mother of Valeria Messalina) during this time.
-In 41 AD, Caligula was finally assassinated, so she was freed and reunited with her son.
-She ended up marrying the prominent politician Gaius Sallustius Crispus Passienus, a witty, intelligent, humble man (he was allegedly the dude behind the phrase "The world never knew a better slave, nor a worse master" in reference to Caligula and Tiberius).
-He died in 47 AD, and because Agrippina emerged filthy rich by inheriting his wealth, many believed that she had poisoned him.
-She was pushed by Pallas (Secretary of Treasury), whom she was also banging on the side, to go after her uncle, Claudius, for marriage (gross).
-Pallas also thought that if Agrippina was wife of Claudius, then he (Pallas) would be even more powerful!
-Surprisingly, Claudius was convinced to marry Agrippina, even though he knew it was fucked up! Apparently, he believed that it would bring the family together and was for the good of the empire, even if it was incestuous and weird.
-The Senate reluctantly agreed, but the Roman people were disgusted by this; Claudius' reputation was significantly damaged.
-49 AD- Claudius and Agrippina marry.
-Agrippina had gone through many image makeovers- sad victim, whore of the Roman elite, daughter of the loved Germanicus, etc.
-Finally, as empress we see her come into her own as a true Julio-Claudian woman- an evil matriarch!
-Agrippina's plans seemed to be to have her son Lucius (Nero) marry Claudius' daughter, Claudia Octavia, so her son would have a shot at being princeps. She also convinced Claudius to adopt Lucius (Nero) as his son!
-50 AD- Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus is officially adopted by Claudius, and his name changed is Nero Claudius Caesar Drusus Germanicus, or "Nero" for short.
-Agrippina worked hard to subtly purge those around Claudius and his personal council/advisers with her own allies instead.
-She even had Britannicus' tutor killed because he was outraged that Claudius had adopted Nero and chosen him to be co-successor with Britannicus (instead of just Britannicus as his sole heir).
-51 AD- Nero turned 14; by Roman standards, he was a man (and thus old enough to rule as princeps).
-Claudius' idea was that Nero would rule as princeps until Britannicus came of age, and then they were to rule the empire together (somehow).
-Agrippina knew that if Claudius were to die before Britannicus came of age, Nero would be able to seize power for himself and cut out Britannicus altogether.
-53 AD- Nero marries Claudia Octavia (now his step-sister).
-At this point, Claudius finally started to realize how much power he had given Nero instead of his own son, and also started to favor Britannicus as his rightful heir.
-However, it seems like at this point that it was simply too little, too late.
-54 AD- Claudius finally kicked the bucket. He was 63 years old; he had ruled the empire for 13 years.
-Of course, most historians believe that it's highly likely that he was poisoned by Agrippina!
-Addition of multiple provinces:
-Noricum (modern-day Austria and Slovenia)- a tributary kingdom of Celtic hordes that was annexed by Claudius without resistance.
-Pamphylia (southern Asia Minor)- annexed in 43 AD without resistance.
-Lycia (southwest Asia Minor)- also annexed in 43 AD without resistance (and later merged with Pamphylia into the single province of Pamphylia et Lycia by Emperor Vespasian).
-Thrace- (modern-day southeast Bulgaria / northeast Greece / northwest Turkey)- annexed in 46 AD with little resistance.
-Mauretania Tingitana (modern day Morocco)- Mauretania was a client kingdom, but after the death of King Ptolemy (assassinated in Rome under orders by Caligula!) the Mauretanians became incredibly hostile to Rome (understandably so) so the region ended up being annexed by Rome and split into two provinces by Claudius (Mauretania Tingitana and Mauretania Caesariensis) in order to pacify the region.
-Mauretania Caesariensis- (see above).
-Meanwhile, in the province of Judea, the Jews were becoming increasingly hostile towards Rome (especially with all of the drama with Caligula), and this would actually lead to an all-out rebellion against the empire in 66 AD.
-There were constant assassination attempts on Claudius' life, so he re-introduced the office of censor, whose role it was to be the moral police of the Senate, and was able to choose who was "moral enough" to be in the Senate.
-The censor was also in charge of the census of the citizens of the empire.
-Claudius actually took the position for himself when he created it.
-Those whom Claudius disliked or were too degenerate, Claudius would kick out of the Senate and replace with men loyal to him.
-Claudius also began to include non-Italians into the Senate as well, which pissed off conservative Italian elites.
-This was smart because it made the empire as a whole more stable.
-Claudius also appointed a dude named Lucius Vitellius Veteris as co-censor.
-His son, Aulus Vitellius, would eventually become emperor (princeps?) during the chaotic Year of the Four Emperors in 69 AD.
-Claudius also tried to drain the Fucine Lake (or Fucinus Lacus; located in modern-day central Italy), which would have provided a bunch of arable land and shit for the peninsula.
-The Fucine Lake was also annoying because it was a huge source of flooding and malaria as well.
-However, this project was a failure, and Agrippina used this as an excuse to try and fuck over Narcissus, whom she disliked and blamed for incompetence and even embezzlement (involving his co-management of the lake-draining operation).
-Narcissus was also an ally of Claudius' son, Brittanicus, whom Agrippina most certainly did not want to see on the throne, instead plotting for her own son, Nero, to be emperor instead.
-More info about Agrippina the Younger (AKA Agrippina Minor):
-Daughter of Agrippina the Elder and Germanicus; sister of Caligula.
-After Germanicus died, Agrippina had to live with her mom and then her grandmother (Livia).
-In 28 AD- forced to marry her relative Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus (grandson of Octavia (Augustus' sister) and Marc Antony), who was apparently a major asshole.
-Their son was Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus (AKA future emperor Nero!).
-39 AD- Agrippina the Younger (and others) was found guilty of plotting against Caligula, so she was exiled to the tiny island of Ponza (approximately 110 km west of Naples).
-Her son, Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus (AKA Emperor Nero), was sent to live with his father's aunt (Domitia Lepida (the Younger), mother of Valeria Messalina) during this time.
-In 41 AD, Caligula was finally assassinated, so she was freed and reunited with her son.
-She ended up marrying the prominent politician Gaius Sallustius Crispus Passienus, a witty, intelligent, humble man (he was allegedly the dude behind the phrase "The world never knew a better slave, nor a worse master" in reference to Caligula and Tiberius).
-He died in 47 AD, and because Agrippina emerged filthy rich by inheriting his wealth, many believed that she had poisoned him.
-She was pushed by Pallas (Secretary of Treasury), whom she was also banging on the side, to go after her uncle, Claudius, for marriage (gross).
-Pallas also thought that if Agrippina was wife of Claudius, then he (Pallas) would be even more powerful!
-Surprisingly, Claudius was convinced to marry Agrippina, even though he knew it was fucked up! Apparently, he believed that it would bring the family together and was for the good of the empire, even if it was incestuous and weird.
-The Senate reluctantly agreed, but the Roman people were disgusted by this; Claudius' reputation was significantly damaged.
-49 AD- Claudius and Agrippina marry.
-Agrippina had gone through many image makeovers- sad victim, whore of the Roman elite, daughter of the loved Germanicus, etc.
-Finally, as empress we see her come into her own as a true Julio-Claudian woman- an evil matriarch!
-Agrippina's plans seemed to be to have her son Lucius (Nero) marry Claudius' daughter, Claudia Octavia, so her son would have a shot at being princeps. She also convinced Claudius to adopt Lucius (Nero) as his son!
-50 AD- Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus is officially adopted by Claudius, and his name changed is Nero Claudius Caesar Drusus Germanicus, or "Nero" for short.
-Agrippina worked hard to subtly purge those around Claudius and his personal council/advisers with her own allies instead.
-She even had Britannicus' tutor killed because he was outraged that Claudius had adopted Nero and chosen him to be co-successor with Britannicus (instead of just Britannicus as his sole heir).
-51 AD- Nero turned 14; by Roman standards, he was a man (and thus old enough to rule as princeps).
-Claudius' idea was that Nero would rule as princeps until Britannicus came of age, and then they were to rule the empire together (somehow).
-Agrippina knew that if Claudius were to die before Britannicus came of age, Nero would be able to seize power for himself and cut out Britannicus altogether.
-53 AD- Nero marries Claudia Octavia (now his step-sister).
-At this point, Claudius finally started to realize how much power he had given Nero instead of his own son, and also started to favor Britannicus as his rightful heir.
-However, it seems like at this point that it was simply too little, too late.
-54 AD- Claudius finally kicked the bucket. He was 63 years old; he had ruled the empire for 13 years.
-Of course, most historians believe that it's highly likely that he was poisoned by Agrippina!
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Take My Wife...Please!
-Contrary to what everyone expected, Claudius was a pretty good ruler!
-Quick note: the Romans during this time still didn't refer to the princeps as "imperator" ("emperor"), instead still calling him "Caesar", "Augustus", or, of course, "Princeps". During this time imperator still had martial connotations, as it essentially meant "commander" in the Roman military.
-Roman conquest of Britain- started in 43 AD by Claudius (see last chapter).
-Usually when the Romans invaded, they set up a client state in the conquered territory with a puppet king that gave the people living there a thin veneer of independence, but this was not the case with Britannia; when the Romans invaded they immediately began direct administration.
-Claudius would die before seeing Roman Britain fully pacified, as it would take until the end of the first century BC for the province to become truly conquered.
-They ultimately had to give up on conquering Caledonia (essentially modern-day Scotland), however, which is one reason why the future emperor Hadrian ended up having the fortification known as Hadrian's Wall built in 122 AD.
-During the conquest, some of the Britannic hordes fled west (into modern-day Wales) to fortify a position there and use guerrilla warfare against the Romans.
-Caratacus, chieftain of the Catuvellauni tribe and leader of the Britannic resistance against Rome, tried his best to cause as much trouble as possible against the Romans, but he was ultimately defeated in battle.
-He was captured and sent back to Rome to live as a prisoner.
-He actually ended up giving a powerful speech in front of the Senate. Impressed, Caludius allowed him to live in Rome as a free man.
-As for Claudius' personal life, he had horrible luck with women.
-He had been forced to be betrothed to his cousin, Aemilia Lepida, but this marriage was called off by Augustus when her parents fell out of favor due to political strife.
-After this he was betrothed to Livia Medullina (daughter of a former consul), but she died on their wedding day!
-After this he was married to Plautia Urgulanilla, but they eventually divorced due to her adultery and other sketchy behavior (also, their son, Claudius Drusus, had died in his teens by choking on a pear or something, but this sounds really fishy).
-His second wife was Aelia Paetina, another former consul's daughter and sister of Sejanus (via adoption). However, he ended up divorcing her when all the shit hit the fan with Tiberius and Sejanus.
-His third wife was Valeria Messalina, an ambitious woman who seemed to be excited about marrying the uncle of Caligula. She fit in well with Caligula's debauched court, but needed Claudius to stay alive in order to keep her hold on power.
-When it was proposed that Claudius be executed during Caligula's madness, Messalina always fought hard to have Claudius not be killed.
-After Caligula's death, however, Messalina became much more powerful as wife of the princeps!
-She and Claudius had two kids- Claudia Octavia and Britannicus (named after Claudius' successes in Britannia).
-She was fully involved in all the politics and intrigue of the Roman government, and apparently worked quite closely with Narcissus. Oh, and she was also banging EVERYONE.
-All historical sources point to Messalina being vain, cruel, and a nymphomaniac.
-Claudius seemed to be oblivious to all of this, unfortunately.
-Messalina's downfall occurred when Claudius' niece, Agrippina (the Younger; sister of Caligula), arrived in Rome. She was quite popular with the Roman public and received a warm welcome, showing up Messalina.
-Agrippina the Younger was also a direct descendant of Augustus; Messalina didn't have that kind of familial lineage.
-Agrippina was also quite ruthless herself, and it was obvious that she was laying the groundwork for her son, Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus, to somehow cut in line to be the next princeps.
-Instead of getting it together and shoring up her own support (in addition to support for Britannicus), she instead stupidly plotted to dispose of Claudius. This was a really dumb plan.
-She got busted when she made the great decision to get married (even though she was already married to Claudius) to a consul in a giant wedding that was a huge party and drew a ton of attention.
-Narcissus decided that this was going too far and it was incredibly obvious what Messalina's intentions were, so he went to Claudius and ratted on her.
-Some shit went down, there was a bunch of drama, but Claudius apparently couldn't bring himself to give the order to have Messalina executed, so Narcissus used the seal of the princeps to send the order instead. Thus, Messalina was executed in 48 AD.
-Claudius' fourth wife was his cousin, Agrippina! Why?!
-All of Claudius' advisers had nominated different women for him to marry after Messalina's execution (based on their own political alliances and loyalties).
-Pallas' recommendation (Agrippina) is what Claudius ended up choosing because he wanted to unite family lines. However, because Claudius and Agrippina were so closely related (cousins), this was quite controversial, even for the incestuous Julio-Claudian dynasty!
-Quick note: the Romans during this time still didn't refer to the princeps as "imperator" ("emperor"), instead still calling him "Caesar", "Augustus", or, of course, "Princeps". During this time imperator still had martial connotations, as it essentially meant "commander" in the Roman military.
-Roman conquest of Britain- started in 43 AD by Claudius (see last chapter).
-Usually when the Romans invaded, they set up a client state in the conquered territory with a puppet king that gave the people living there a thin veneer of independence, but this was not the case with Britannia; when the Romans invaded they immediately began direct administration.
-Claudius would die before seeing Roman Britain fully pacified, as it would take until the end of the first century BC for the province to become truly conquered.
-They ultimately had to give up on conquering Caledonia (essentially modern-day Scotland), however, which is one reason why the future emperor Hadrian ended up having the fortification known as Hadrian's Wall built in 122 AD.
-During the conquest, some of the Britannic hordes fled west (into modern-day Wales) to fortify a position there and use guerrilla warfare against the Romans.
-Caratacus, chieftain of the Catuvellauni tribe and leader of the Britannic resistance against Rome, tried his best to cause as much trouble as possible against the Romans, but he was ultimately defeated in battle.
-He was captured and sent back to Rome to live as a prisoner.
-He actually ended up giving a powerful speech in front of the Senate. Impressed, Caludius allowed him to live in Rome as a free man.
-As for Claudius' personal life, he had horrible luck with women.
-He had been forced to be betrothed to his cousin, Aemilia Lepida, but this marriage was called off by Augustus when her parents fell out of favor due to political strife.
-After this he was betrothed to Livia Medullina (daughter of a former consul), but she died on their wedding day!
-After this he was married to Plautia Urgulanilla, but they eventually divorced due to her adultery and other sketchy behavior (also, their son, Claudius Drusus, had died in his teens by choking on a pear or something, but this sounds really fishy).
-His second wife was Aelia Paetina, another former consul's daughter and sister of Sejanus (via adoption). However, he ended up divorcing her when all the shit hit the fan with Tiberius and Sejanus.
-His third wife was Valeria Messalina, an ambitious woman who seemed to be excited about marrying the uncle of Caligula. She fit in well with Caligula's debauched court, but needed Claudius to stay alive in order to keep her hold on power.
-When it was proposed that Claudius be executed during Caligula's madness, Messalina always fought hard to have Claudius not be killed.
-After Caligula's death, however, Messalina became much more powerful as wife of the princeps!
-She and Claudius had two kids- Claudia Octavia and Britannicus (named after Claudius' successes in Britannia).
-She was fully involved in all the politics and intrigue of the Roman government, and apparently worked quite closely with Narcissus. Oh, and she was also banging EVERYONE.
-All historical sources point to Messalina being vain, cruel, and a nymphomaniac.
-Claudius seemed to be oblivious to all of this, unfortunately.
-Messalina's downfall occurred when Claudius' niece, Agrippina (the Younger; sister of Caligula), arrived in Rome. She was quite popular with the Roman public and received a warm welcome, showing up Messalina.
-Agrippina the Younger was also a direct descendant of Augustus; Messalina didn't have that kind of familial lineage.
-Agrippina was also quite ruthless herself, and it was obvious that she was laying the groundwork for her son, Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus, to somehow cut in line to be the next princeps.
-Instead of getting it together and shoring up her own support (in addition to support for Britannicus), she instead stupidly plotted to dispose of Claudius. This was a really dumb plan.
-She got busted when she made the great decision to get married (even though she was already married to Claudius) to a consul in a giant wedding that was a huge party and drew a ton of attention.
-Narcissus decided that this was going too far and it was incredibly obvious what Messalina's intentions were, so he went to Claudius and ratted on her.
-Some shit went down, there was a bunch of drama, but Claudius apparently couldn't bring himself to give the order to have Messalina executed, so Narcissus used the seal of the princeps to send the order instead. Thus, Messalina was executed in 48 AD.
-Claudius' fourth wife was his cousin, Agrippina! Why?!
-All of Claudius' advisers had nominated different women for him to marry after Messalina's execution (based on their own political alliances and loyalties).
-Pallas' recommendation (Agrippina) is what Claudius ended up choosing because he wanted to unite family lines. However, because Claudius and Agrippina were so closely related (cousins), this was quite controversial, even for the incestuous Julio-Claudian dynasty!
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
What, Me, Claudius?
-Tiberius Claudius Drusus was born in 10 BC in Lugdunum (modern-day Lyon, France), Gallia Lugdunensis.
-Son of Drusus the Elder (brother of Tiberius) and Antonia Minor (daughter of Marc Antony and Octavia), making him the grandson of Livia (father's side) and Marc Antony (mother's side) and brother of Germanicus and Livilla (lover of Sejanus).
-Considered an idiot by his family due to some sort of nervous tick and/or speech impediment that made his family see him as a joke (at best) and an annoyance (at worst).
-We don't actually know what his deal was, as he could have had cerebral palsy, Tourette syndrome, polio, or even some combo of the above (or none and it was something else!).
-Even Claudius' mom referred to him as a monster! :(
-She dumped him off on his grandmother, Livia, who in turn dumped him off onto a "tutor" who was actually a former mule driver who used harsh physical discipline to try and get Claudius to control himself (he also believed that Claudius was lazy and lacking in "strong moral fiber").
-When Claudius grew into his teens, it became clear that he wasn't mentally retarded, he just had trouble communicating. Surprisingly, Claudius turned out to be a great orator! He just had trouble communicating privately.
-He really loved history, so Augustus hired the historian Livy to tutor him.
-He tried to write a history of the Roman civil wars, but Livia rejected his interpretation of the events and the rise of Augustus. This resulted in the family believing that Claudius couldn't be trusted with family secrets.
-Claudius also did manage to put out some respected scholarly works, however, including both a history of the Etruscans and the Carthaginians, respectively.
-After Augustus died, Claudius requested to be appointed to the government position of cursus honorum, but this was rejected by Tiberius.
-In his 20s, Claudius decided to lay low since the times were so tumultuous- when Sejanus took power everyone who was deemed an enemy was being killed off, and this was followed by Tiberius' killing off of anyone HE deemed to be an enemy.
-During this time he was also forced to marry Plautia Urgulanilla (adopted sister of Sejanus) in order to cement family ties.
-Claudius divorced Plautia after Sejanus lost power, however.
-Eventually became quite popular with the equestrians and common folk just because he seemed to the be the only one who wasn't lusting after power, in addition to never "rocking the boat" or creating any controversy.
-However, Claudius was thrust into the spotlight when Caligula (his nephew) named him as co-consul (along with Caligula himself).
-This was not out of respect- it seemed that Caligula just wanted to have someone serving as consul who was related to the well-respected Germanicus (in addition to someone who also wasn't powerful or ambitious). Caligula actually treated Claudius like a court jester (except much more cruel), and unfortunately caused Claudius to be deeply in debt by randomly charging him insane amounts of money for bullshit.
-The legend of Claudius being found scared and behind a curtain by the Praetorian Guard is possible, but other sources say that he was just instead doing whatever (like chilling at home) before the Praetorian Guard visited him to escort him back to their camp to declare him princeps.
-At this point it is interesting to note that the role of princeps was so entrenched in the government that with the death of Caligula, the senators began to argue over who was to be princeps rather than how the Republic could finally be restored to its former power.
-Of course, none could argue when the Praetorian Guard named Claudius as Caligula's successor.
-41 AD- Claudius is officially declared princeps of the Roman Empire!
-Of course, Claudius had to agree not to go after or prosecute the conspirators behind the assassination of Caligula, although the lead conspirator, the senator Cassius Chaerea, was prosecuted and executed (most likely so as to not set a precedent for those who wished to dare to try and assassinate a princeps because they didn't like the way shit was going).
-This didn't deter everyone, however, because in 42 AD a plot was discovered (and foiled) between Senator Vinicianus and Scribonianus, the governor of the province of Dalmatia.
-Ultimately, the troops in Dalmatia decided this was a dumb idea, and so the rebellion fizzled out and the conspirators killed themselves.
-So, how was Claudius as princeps?
-He was actually one of the greatest Roman emperors of all time! He also changed his name in order to reflect Augustus, so his new name as princeps was "Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus".
-Unlike Tiberius or Caligula, Claudiu took an active interest in governing. He made government bureaucracy stronger, introduced legal reforms, and issued lots of edicts aimed at improving Roman life.
-However, many Romans still saw him as an idiot and attributed his executive prowess to his advisers.
-This group of advisers was actually a cabinet (all freedmen, too) that Claudius himself had set up, which included:
-Secretary of Correspondence- Narcissus (Claudius' closest adviser)
-Secretary of Justice- Callistus (one of the conspirators behind Caligula's assassination)
-Secretary of Treasury- Pallas (super rich dude)
-Secretary of Miscellany- Polybius (eventually executed for treason)
-Claudius knew, however, that his legal reforms and shit wouldn't quite be enough to garner widespread public support- he needed military victories!
-Unfortunately, Augustus had decreed that the empire was big enough as it is, so what was he to do?
-Claudius eyed Britannia. While he wanted to follow Augustus' example of rule, it was true that Julius Caesar had fucked around with the island, so why not finish the job?
-Additionally, Britannia seemed to be rich in mineral deposits, as well as being a safe haven for Gallic rebels who were a constant nuisance for the Romans.
-43 AD- Rome finally found an excuse for a full-on invasion of Britannia when a Roman-allied Briton chief fell in a power struggle within his own tribe.
-For the invasion, Rome summoned four legions (along with 20,000 auxiliary troops).
-The exact details of the beginning of the invasion are murky due to conflicting historical records and theories, so all we DO know is that the Romans invaded from Gaul into Britannia.
-Upon landing, the Romans immediately started kicking ass. Other tribes immediately began to surrender.
-Southeast Britannia was now successfully occupied by Rome, and Britannia was declared to be a new imperial province.
-Because of his victories, Claudius headed back to Rome, where he held a triumph.
-Son of Drusus the Elder (brother of Tiberius) and Antonia Minor (daughter of Marc Antony and Octavia), making him the grandson of Livia (father's side) and Marc Antony (mother's side) and brother of Germanicus and Livilla (lover of Sejanus).
-Considered an idiot by his family due to some sort of nervous tick and/or speech impediment that made his family see him as a joke (at best) and an annoyance (at worst).
-We don't actually know what his deal was, as he could have had cerebral palsy, Tourette syndrome, polio, or even some combo of the above (or none and it was something else!).
-Even Claudius' mom referred to him as a monster! :(
-She dumped him off on his grandmother, Livia, who in turn dumped him off onto a "tutor" who was actually a former mule driver who used harsh physical discipline to try and get Claudius to control himself (he also believed that Claudius was lazy and lacking in "strong moral fiber").
-When Claudius grew into his teens, it became clear that he wasn't mentally retarded, he just had trouble communicating. Surprisingly, Claudius turned out to be a great orator! He just had trouble communicating privately.
-He really loved history, so Augustus hired the historian Livy to tutor him.
-He tried to write a history of the Roman civil wars, but Livia rejected his interpretation of the events and the rise of Augustus. This resulted in the family believing that Claudius couldn't be trusted with family secrets.
-Claudius also did manage to put out some respected scholarly works, however, including both a history of the Etruscans and the Carthaginians, respectively.
-After Augustus died, Claudius requested to be appointed to the government position of cursus honorum, but this was rejected by Tiberius.
-In his 20s, Claudius decided to lay low since the times were so tumultuous- when Sejanus took power everyone who was deemed an enemy was being killed off, and this was followed by Tiberius' killing off of anyone HE deemed to be an enemy.
-During this time he was also forced to marry Plautia Urgulanilla (adopted sister of Sejanus) in order to cement family ties.
-Claudius divorced Plautia after Sejanus lost power, however.
-Eventually became quite popular with the equestrians and common folk just because he seemed to the be the only one who wasn't lusting after power, in addition to never "rocking the boat" or creating any controversy.
-However, Claudius was thrust into the spotlight when Caligula (his nephew) named him as co-consul (along with Caligula himself).
-This was not out of respect- it seemed that Caligula just wanted to have someone serving as consul who was related to the well-respected Germanicus (in addition to someone who also wasn't powerful or ambitious). Caligula actually treated Claudius like a court jester (except much more cruel), and unfortunately caused Claudius to be deeply in debt by randomly charging him insane amounts of money for bullshit.
-The legend of Claudius being found scared and behind a curtain by the Praetorian Guard is possible, but other sources say that he was just instead doing whatever (like chilling at home) before the Praetorian Guard visited him to escort him back to their camp to declare him princeps.
-At this point it is interesting to note that the role of princeps was so entrenched in the government that with the death of Caligula, the senators began to argue over who was to be princeps rather than how the Republic could finally be restored to its former power.
-Of course, none could argue when the Praetorian Guard named Claudius as Caligula's successor.
-41 AD- Claudius is officially declared princeps of the Roman Empire!
-Of course, Claudius had to agree not to go after or prosecute the conspirators behind the assassination of Caligula, although the lead conspirator, the senator Cassius Chaerea, was prosecuted and executed (most likely so as to not set a precedent for those who wished to dare to try and assassinate a princeps because they didn't like the way shit was going).
-This didn't deter everyone, however, because in 42 AD a plot was discovered (and foiled) between Senator Vinicianus and Scribonianus, the governor of the province of Dalmatia.
-Ultimately, the troops in Dalmatia decided this was a dumb idea, and so the rebellion fizzled out and the conspirators killed themselves.
-So, how was Claudius as princeps?
-He was actually one of the greatest Roman emperors of all time! He also changed his name in order to reflect Augustus, so his new name as princeps was "Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus".
-Unlike Tiberius or Caligula, Claudiu took an active interest in governing. He made government bureaucracy stronger, introduced legal reforms, and issued lots of edicts aimed at improving Roman life.
-However, many Romans still saw him as an idiot and attributed his executive prowess to his advisers.
-This group of advisers was actually a cabinet (all freedmen, too) that Claudius himself had set up, which included:
-Secretary of Correspondence- Narcissus (Claudius' closest adviser)
-Secretary of Justice- Callistus (one of the conspirators behind Caligula's assassination)
-Secretary of Treasury- Pallas (super rich dude)
-Secretary of Miscellany- Polybius (eventually executed for treason)
-Claudius knew, however, that his legal reforms and shit wouldn't quite be enough to garner widespread public support- he needed military victories!
-Unfortunately, Augustus had decreed that the empire was big enough as it is, so what was he to do?
-Claudius eyed Britannia. While he wanted to follow Augustus' example of rule, it was true that Julius Caesar had fucked around with the island, so why not finish the job?
-Additionally, Britannia seemed to be rich in mineral deposits, as well as being a safe haven for Gallic rebels who were a constant nuisance for the Romans.
-43 AD- Rome finally found an excuse for a full-on invasion of Britannia when a Roman-allied Briton chief fell in a power struggle within his own tribe.
-For the invasion, Rome summoned four legions (along with 20,000 auxiliary troops).
-The exact details of the beginning of the invasion are murky due to conflicting historical records and theories, so all we DO know is that the Romans invaded from Gaul into Britannia.
-Upon landing, the Romans immediately started kicking ass. Other tribes immediately began to surrender.
-Southeast Britannia was now successfully occupied by Rome, and Britannia was declared to be a new imperial province.
-Because of his victories, Claudius headed back to Rome, where he held a triumph.
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
No Better Slave, No Worse Master
-Caligula was now , so how was he doing?
-There are a ton of fucked up rumors and stories about Caligula, and we don't know exactly what's true and what isn't, but...let's dish!
-He allegedly was banging his sisters- Julia Livilla, Agrippina, and Drusilla. Is this true?
-Maybe. They were probably closer than usual due to the insanity they went through as a family. He also had four (!) wives over the course of his short life:
-Junia Claudilla- dies while giving birth to a child that also didn't survive :(
-Livia Orestilla (AKA Cornelia Orestilla; her exact name is unclear)- married to Caligula for one day (!).
-Lollia Paulina- married to Caligula for 6 months; they divorced because she was allegedly infertile.
-Milonia Caesonia- married Caligula and the two actually seemed to be really into each other! They stayed married until they were both executed in 41 AD.
-Caligula was allegedly especially into Drusilla, whom he always had host his dinner parties (even though this was typically the role of the man's wife).
-He also had the legionaries include her name when they swore their oaths of fealty to the princeps.
-One theory is that if this was true, then perhaps Caligula was living the fantasy of the "sister-wife" which is commonly found in mythologies (which would make kind of sense since Caligula inevitably ended up thinking he was a god).
-Anyway, Drusilla died in 38 AD of illness, which really fucked up Caligula.
-He had her canonized as an official Roman goddess.
-It was after this that Caligula really became unhinged.
-He started making senators do humiliating and goofy tasks, and if they if they didn't do these things they'd be further humiliated (or just executed!).
-He would also invite senators to his parties and then fuck their wives. Afterwards he would come back and discuss in detail what exactly they had done.
-His second wife (see above) was actually stolen on her wedding night from the senator Gaius Calpurnius Piso, who will be important later on in the narrative.
-Caligula also made a good-looking dude fight as a gladiator because he had made Caligula jealous. Surprisingly, the good-looking dude actually survived, so Caligula just had him executed!
-He would also sometimes want a particular estate, so he would confiscate it as government property and have the owner and his family executed.
-He would force parents to watch the executions of their kids.
-Caligula also delighted in having the executions be long, drawn-out, and feature lots of torture and cruelty.
-He somehow spent the entire savings Augustus and Tiberius had amassed in two years, bankrupting the empire and getting into massive debt.
-It's important to note that Caligula, did, however, do some good things too!
-He expanded the aqueduct system, improved Rome's grain supply importation system, and finished the Temple of Divus Augustus.
-Mainly, however, he just spent a shitload of money on himself.
-He also claimed that he was going to have his horse made consul because he said it was smarter than the rest of the Senate!
-By 39 AD, it was obvious that the Senate hated Caligula and had begun to plot to get rid of him.
-Caligula knew this, so he announced that treason investigations were now to be resumed! However, this just proved that the senators were correct, of course.
-Meanwhile, Caligula declared that he was a god and began dressing up as Roman gods and shit. He also ordered that his statue be placed in every temple throughout the empire!
-This, of course, caused a significant amount of trouble in Judea because the Jewish temples were also required to have a statue of Caligula inside. Forcing these temples to have a statue of Caligula inside obviously caused riots throughout the province.
-The puppet king of Judea at the time, Herod Agrippa (who had been raised in Rome), was luckily able to temporarily calm shit down by convincing Caligula not to go through with this order in Judea. Ultimately, however, he failed, and a statue of Caligula was indeed installed in at least one of the major temples in Jerusalem, which was then converted to become a temple to Caligula (how the Hebrews then reacted to this exactly is unclear).
-Caligula also decided that it was time for some military campaigns! He then attempted to conquer Germania.
-This wasn't a serious attempt, however. He even staged combat situations in which he himself fought so that he could claim that he had fought bravely in battle.
-This "invasion" seems to have been interrupted when at the same time it was revealed that there was indeed a legit conspiracy against Caligula involving his two remaining sisters and Drusilla's widower, Marcus Aemilius Lepidus (a possible great-grandson of Augustus).
-In response to this, Caligula had Lepidus executed and his sisters exiled.
-40 AD- Caligula turned his attention to invading Britannia, the mysterious island on the edge of the world that Julius Caesar had failed to conquer...
-According to legend, Caligula had the troops pick up all of the seashells on the beach in Gaul and then had them bring them back to Rome as "spoils of war". He then held a dual-triumph in Rome because of his "victories" in Germania and Britannia.
-After this, Caligula went back to Rome and married Milonia Caesonia,who gave birth to his daughter, Julia Drusilla.
-Caesonia was also apparently really nutty, cold-hearted, and decadent.
-41 AD- a conspiracy to assassinate Caligula (led by the Praetorian Cassius Chaerea, who had often been humiliated by Caligula) finally succeeded.
-Caligula was stabbed to death (unclear as to where exactly this went down) by Chaerea and some other dudes. After this, Caesonia and Julia Drusilla were both executed as well.
-There are a ton of fucked up rumors and stories about Caligula, and we don't know exactly what's true and what isn't, but...let's dish!
-He allegedly was banging his sisters- Julia Livilla, Agrippina, and Drusilla. Is this true?
-Maybe. They were probably closer than usual due to the insanity they went through as a family. He also had four (!) wives over the course of his short life:
-Junia Claudilla- dies while giving birth to a child that also didn't survive :(
-Livia Orestilla (AKA Cornelia Orestilla; her exact name is unclear)- married to Caligula for one day (!).
-Lollia Paulina- married to Caligula for 6 months; they divorced because she was allegedly infertile.
-Milonia Caesonia- married Caligula and the two actually seemed to be really into each other! They stayed married until they were both executed in 41 AD.
-Caligula was allegedly especially into Drusilla, whom he always had host his dinner parties (even though this was typically the role of the man's wife).
-He also had the legionaries include her name when they swore their oaths of fealty to the princeps.
-One theory is that if this was true, then perhaps Caligula was living the fantasy of the "sister-wife" which is commonly found in mythologies (which would make kind of sense since Caligula inevitably ended up thinking he was a god).
-Anyway, Drusilla died in 38 AD of illness, which really fucked up Caligula.
-He had her canonized as an official Roman goddess.
-It was after this that Caligula really became unhinged.
-He started making senators do humiliating and goofy tasks, and if they if they didn't do these things they'd be further humiliated (or just executed!).
-He would also invite senators to his parties and then fuck their wives. Afterwards he would come back and discuss in detail what exactly they had done.
-His second wife (see above) was actually stolen on her wedding night from the senator Gaius Calpurnius Piso, who will be important later on in the narrative.
-Caligula also made a good-looking dude fight as a gladiator because he had made Caligula jealous. Surprisingly, the good-looking dude actually survived, so Caligula just had him executed!
-He would also sometimes want a particular estate, so he would confiscate it as government property and have the owner and his family executed.
-He would force parents to watch the executions of their kids.
-Caligula also delighted in having the executions be long, drawn-out, and feature lots of torture and cruelty.
-He somehow spent the entire savings Augustus and Tiberius had amassed in two years, bankrupting the empire and getting into massive debt.
-It's important to note that Caligula, did, however, do some good things too!
-He expanded the aqueduct system, improved Rome's grain supply importation system, and finished the Temple of Divus Augustus.
-Mainly, however, he just spent a shitload of money on himself.
-He also claimed that he was going to have his horse made consul because he said it was smarter than the rest of the Senate!
-By 39 AD, it was obvious that the Senate hated Caligula and had begun to plot to get rid of him.
-Caligula knew this, so he announced that treason investigations were now to be resumed! However, this just proved that the senators were correct, of course.
-Meanwhile, Caligula declared that he was a god and began dressing up as Roman gods and shit. He also ordered that his statue be placed in every temple throughout the empire!
-This, of course, caused a significant amount of trouble in Judea because the Jewish temples were also required to have a statue of Caligula inside. Forcing these temples to have a statue of Caligula inside obviously caused riots throughout the province.
-The puppet king of Judea at the time, Herod Agrippa (who had been raised in Rome), was luckily able to temporarily calm shit down by convincing Caligula not to go through with this order in Judea. Ultimately, however, he failed, and a statue of Caligula was indeed installed in at least one of the major temples in Jerusalem, which was then converted to become a temple to Caligula (how the Hebrews then reacted to this exactly is unclear).
-Caligula also decided that it was time for some military campaigns! He then attempted to conquer Germania.
-This wasn't a serious attempt, however. He even staged combat situations in which he himself fought so that he could claim that he had fought bravely in battle.
-This "invasion" seems to have been interrupted when at the same time it was revealed that there was indeed a legit conspiracy against Caligula involving his two remaining sisters and Drusilla's widower, Marcus Aemilius Lepidus (a possible great-grandson of Augustus).
-In response to this, Caligula had Lepidus executed and his sisters exiled.
-40 AD- Caligula turned his attention to invading Britannia, the mysterious island on the edge of the world that Julius Caesar had failed to conquer...
-According to legend, Caligula had the troops pick up all of the seashells on the beach in Gaul and then had them bring them back to Rome as "spoils of war". He then held a dual-triumph in Rome because of his "victories" in Germania and Britannia.
-After this, Caligula went back to Rome and married Milonia Caesonia,who gave birth to his daughter, Julia Drusilla.
-Caesonia was also apparently really nutty, cold-hearted, and decadent.
-41 AD- a conspiracy to assassinate Caligula (led by the Praetorian Cassius Chaerea, who had often been humiliated by Caligula) finally succeeded.
-Caligula was stabbed to death (unclear as to where exactly this went down) by Chaerea and some other dudes. After this, Caesonia and Julia Drusilla were both executed as well.
Monday, December 18, 2017
To the Tiber with Tiberius
-31 AD- it was around this time that Tiberius seriously withdrew from trying to actually be a good ruler and just became withdrawn, paranoid, and decadent.
-Time for another purge! However, Tiberius' purge was especially ruthless, and was responsible for the butchering of entire families of his "enemies" and turning Rome into essentially into a brutal dictatorship (once again).
-Where were the legions during this time? Why didn't they do something?
-This is because they were mostly concerned with just obeying their commanders, who themselves were trying to (usually) just obey their orders from the Praetorian Guard, where the real power was at. Additionally, it was the Praetorian Guard who were willingly committing all of the violence in the first place!
-First to go were allies of Sejanus; they were either exiled or executed and their property was then seized by the state. After that, anyone caught speaking out against the state or criticizing the regime would get whacked- seniors, children, ANYONE.
-Bodies were just left to rot in the streets or thrown in the river because it was a crime to bury, cremate, or otherwise dispose of the bodies.
-Tiberius conducted and approved of the slaughter from his residence in Capri. So, what was he doing there to occupy his free time?
-We don't actually know for sure, but he was allegedly having huge orgies and sex parties with both men and women. He also had a giant erotic library, a bunch of obscene art and sculptures, and he would also have little boys lick him underwater while he was swimming around in his pool or the ocean or whatever. He would apparently also make newborn babies give him oral sex (WTF). Of course, he'd also go around raping people and beating or murdering them. In general, just being a complete psychopath.
-Regardless of if any of this was true or not, it was clear that everyone back in Rome hated his guts.
-Because it was clear that Tiberius was getting on in age, all eyes were on the possible heirs to the throne- it was down to either Caligula (son of Germanicus (who had been adopted by Tiberius)) or Tiberius Gemellus (Tiberius' grandson).
-So, who exactly was Caligula?
-Raised in military camps by his father.
-Nickname came from the word for "little soldier's boot" because he would be dressed up like a little soldier, which was cute.
-During this time, however, he went by the name Gaius (his full name was Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus) and his nickname was only brought back later on.
-Caligula's upbringing was kind of fucked up, especially after his dad died. Tiberius had had his mom and older siblings killed (among other family members) after the death of Germanicus, and Caligula had been forced to live with his grandmother, Antonia (daughter of Marc Antony and Octavia). Before that he had been living with Livia Drusilla.
-After the death of Sejanus, Tiberius ordered for Caligula to come live with him in Capri (uh-oh...).
-Caligula was apparently a great actor and hid his hatred of Tiberius well.
-33 AD- Caligula was promoted to quaestor and married Junia Claudilla, but she died giving birth later that year.
-35 AD- Caligula and Tiberius Gemellus were named as joint heirs.
-37 AD- Tiberius finally croaks.
-How did he die?
-He was definitely old (78!), but the more sexy version is that he was sick, was reported dead, then reported alive and recovering, and then reported dead again (this was possibly because he was murdered by the Praetorian prefect Naevius Sutorius Macro... OR maybe even Caligula!).
-Regardless, Tiberius was dead and everyone was happy!
-Immediately, probably with the backing of the Praetorian Guard due to a secret deal, Gemellus was denied his inheritance, kept under house arrest, and then executed under charges of treason! Gangster shit!
-Caligula meanwhile was welcomed into Rome by throngs of people. In fact, it was reported that 150,000 animals were sacrificed across the empire in celebration of the new princeps.
-Caligula began his reign by declaring an end to the treason charges. He then burned all of the records and charges, much to everyone's happiness, and then allowed those who had been exiled to be pardoned and returned.
-He then cancelled a shitty tax that no one liked, and after this he raised the salaries of the soldiers!
-He also restored power to several various client monarchs, giving them more administrative power within their own kingdoms.
-He then kicked off a big celebration with public spectacles and gladiator events.
-However, Caligula was just a spoiled, fucked up kid inside, and inevitably began to indulge in booze, sluts, feasts, etc.
-6 months after becoming princeps, Caligula grew mysteriously ill and almost died! It was around this time that Caligula began to get seriously fucked up in the head...
-Time for another purge! However, Tiberius' purge was especially ruthless, and was responsible for the butchering of entire families of his "enemies" and turning Rome into essentially into a brutal dictatorship (once again).
-Where were the legions during this time? Why didn't they do something?
-This is because they were mostly concerned with just obeying their commanders, who themselves were trying to (usually) just obey their orders from the Praetorian Guard, where the real power was at. Additionally, it was the Praetorian Guard who were willingly committing all of the violence in the first place!
-First to go were allies of Sejanus; they were either exiled or executed and their property was then seized by the state. After that, anyone caught speaking out against the state or criticizing the regime would get whacked- seniors, children, ANYONE.
-Bodies were just left to rot in the streets or thrown in the river because it was a crime to bury, cremate, or otherwise dispose of the bodies.
-Tiberius conducted and approved of the slaughter from his residence in Capri. So, what was he doing there to occupy his free time?
-We don't actually know for sure, but he was allegedly having huge orgies and sex parties with both men and women. He also had a giant erotic library, a bunch of obscene art and sculptures, and he would also have little boys lick him underwater while he was swimming around in his pool or the ocean or whatever. He would apparently also make newborn babies give him oral sex (WTF). Of course, he'd also go around raping people and beating or murdering them. In general, just being a complete psychopath.
-Regardless of if any of this was true or not, it was clear that everyone back in Rome hated his guts.
-Because it was clear that Tiberius was getting on in age, all eyes were on the possible heirs to the throne- it was down to either Caligula (son of Germanicus (who had been adopted by Tiberius)) or Tiberius Gemellus (Tiberius' grandson).
-So, who exactly was Caligula?
-Raised in military camps by his father.
-Nickname came from the word for "little soldier's boot" because he would be dressed up like a little soldier, which was cute.
-During this time, however, he went by the name Gaius (his full name was Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus) and his nickname was only brought back later on.
-Caligula's upbringing was kind of fucked up, especially after his dad died. Tiberius had had his mom and older siblings killed (among other family members) after the death of Germanicus, and Caligula had been forced to live with his grandmother, Antonia (daughter of Marc Antony and Octavia). Before that he had been living with Livia Drusilla.
-After the death of Sejanus, Tiberius ordered for Caligula to come live with him in Capri (uh-oh...).
-Caligula was apparently a great actor and hid his hatred of Tiberius well.
-33 AD- Caligula was promoted to quaestor and married Junia Claudilla, but she died giving birth later that year.
-35 AD- Caligula and Tiberius Gemellus were named as joint heirs.
-37 AD- Tiberius finally croaks.
-How did he die?
-He was definitely old (78!), but the more sexy version is that he was sick, was reported dead, then reported alive and recovering, and then reported dead again (this was possibly because he was murdered by the Praetorian prefect Naevius Sutorius Macro... OR maybe even Caligula!).
-Regardless, Tiberius was dead and everyone was happy!
-Immediately, probably with the backing of the Praetorian Guard due to a secret deal, Gemellus was denied his inheritance, kept under house arrest, and then executed under charges of treason! Gangster shit!
-Caligula meanwhile was welcomed into Rome by throngs of people. In fact, it was reported that 150,000 animals were sacrificed across the empire in celebration of the new princeps.
-Caligula began his reign by declaring an end to the treason charges. He then burned all of the records and charges, much to everyone's happiness, and then allowed those who had been exiled to be pardoned and returned.
-He then cancelled a shitty tax that no one liked, and after this he raised the salaries of the soldiers!
-He also restored power to several various client monarchs, giving them more administrative power within their own kingdoms.
-He then kicked off a big celebration with public spectacles and gladiator events.
-However, Caligula was just a spoiled, fucked up kid inside, and inevitably began to indulge in booze, sluts, feasts, etc.
-6 months after becoming princeps, Caligula grew mysteriously ill and almost died! It was around this time that Caligula began to get seriously fucked up in the head...
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